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Joke of the Day

"Ah yes. I've linked my Twitter to my Wordpress, and my LinkedIn to Klout. Now it's time to interface my Acura ILX with a giant redwood"

"How did AL Gore program his computer? With the proper al-gor-ithms"

"The doctors found a malignant tumor at my checkup the other day... It's really starting to grow on me"

"If history repeats itself, I'm totally getting a dinosaur!"

"What does Bill Clinton tell Hillary after sex? I'll be home in 45 min."

"Tom Brady says on the sidelines after throwing his 2nd pick of the superbowl... ......tom: I can't handle the air pressure."

"It's my mate's birthday today. He doesn't drink, smoke, gamble or cheat on his missus. We've got no idea how to celebrate it."

"Personal Trainer- So how have you been cutting your carbs? Me-Mostly with a bread knife or a pizza slicer"

"Never date an intelligent, incredibly handsome, wealthy man. He's a violent psychopath that wants to kill you *things i learned from horrors"

"What's the difference between family bonding and family bondage? One is forced and borderline torture, the other is sex."