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Joke of the Day

"Getting pulled over Officer (*Walks over*) Officer -I'm going to ask you to step out of the car for a sobriety test. Me (*Presses tits together*) Me -How about now? Officer -Sir, get out of the car."

"Upon hearing that my donor is in Eugene, I proceeded to inform my wife that, ""My heart is in Oregon."" She replied, ""I know what a heart is!"""

"""Moooooooo"" - bilingual donkey"

"What's the word that starts with 'n', ends with 'r', and you wouldn't ever want to call a black guy? Neighbor"

"What do you call a three-humped camel? Pregnant."

"Who do you call when a sleepwalker injures himself? The somnambulance."

"Remember, one person can make a difference! Two people can NOT, though. 3-5: yes again! 6: no way, you'll just make it worse! It's weird!"

"Hanging out with Helen Keller always made me feel like such a hipster. She'd never heard of any of the bands I like."

"What do the American dollar and the American dress size have in common? Both have had to adjust for inflation."

"Look son, every man is nervous the first time. Just take a deep breath, walk up to her, look her in the eye and ask her for directions."