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Joke of the Day

"Can't help but think if I hadn't eaten that baby corn in 2001 it would now be teenage corn."

"32 is taking me to dinner, 29 is taking me to a concert, & 26 is taking me straight to bed. I don't have kids, did I do that right?"

"Never treat a woman like an object. It hates that."

"To Do List While in Jail 1. Ask someone for an Eskimo kiss and when they shake their head no say,""Hey why'd you start without me?"" 2. 3."

"MOM STOP LICKING YOUR FINGER TO CLEAN MY FACE I'M IN A GANG NOW"

"""Will he ever wake up?"" He's been in a coma for 3 weeks but watch this. *starts playing Pitbull* *patient wakes up to turn off the music*"

"What do you call it when a British Redditor posts a Showerthought about wiping til the tissue turns red? A bloody shitpost."

"Why did the math student fail his exam? He needed to sketch the sine and cuisine graphs but only knew how to do cos(-x)"

"I've just used glitter spray paint in a confined space, and now I'm on another planet busting disco moves with an intoxicated pixie."

"Do not reach for the stars. They are hot gas, and will give you bad burns."