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Joke of the Day

"Finding $5 you didn't know you had is awesome til you realize you're 34, it's 2011 & $5 won't even buy enough gas to drive you off a cliff."

"What do I do if my bank won't take my blood covered cash? Launder it. Source: http://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/comments/38kmj9/what_do_i_do_if_the_bank_wont_take_my/crwbpxe"

"What's the difference between a lobster with breast implants and a dirty bus station? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean"

"My grandfather was an alcoholic but an amazing magician Whenever he wanted he could turn into a bar."

"An erection is like the theory of relativity. The more you think about it. The harder it gets."

"How do computers learn to read? C:/ Dos C:/ Dos Run Run Dos Run"

"My gardener is completely incompetent He keeps soiling himself"

"A Chemistry Degree is like an awesome girlfriend, because you get anal before getting physical."

"I'm old school in the sense that I always put women and children first. I mean, there could be spiderwebs."

"How do you kill a one-legged fox? You make him run across Canada..."