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Joke of the Day

"Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on you. Fool me three times shame on you. It's always going to be you. It's NEVER me."

"Some schools are banning Santa so they don't offend non-Christian students. That sucks, because Santa is my favorite part of the Bible."

"What's big, Scottish and depressing? Scotland"

"Words can't even describe how beautiful you are. But numbers can, 3/10."

"Got a couple of real nice piles of dog shit on your lawn there. Sure would be a shame if something was to... you know, ""happen"" to them."

"Did you know that camels aren't indigenous to Australia? They were shipped there by the British. Oddly enough, so were the Australians."

"What do you get when you inject human DNA into a sheep? ...banned from the petting zoo..."

"Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go."

"What's the difference between a drunk and a stoner? A drunk drives right through a stop sign, a stoner waits for it to turn green."

"You know what screw programming C-out"