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Joke of the Day
"How does any girl have less than 90 thousand Instagram followers?"
Next Joke
"Turtles sniff tails to find mates but when I do it, it's ""disturbing"" & I ""need to leave yoga,"" or ""at least wait til I'm off the treadmill"""
"TIL that 1 in every 10 people in North America lives next door to a pedophile. Not me. I live next door to a smoking hot 8 year old."
"What are your guys' best Cards Against Humanity answers?"
"Damn girl, are you an appendix because I have no idea what you do but this weird feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out."
"Each cigarette you smoke takes six minutes off your life. A friend of mine was such a heavy smoker he actually went back in time."
"When your boss says ""you're getting a little behind,"" he won't appreciate it when you wink and say ""been working out-thanks for noticing."""
"[at interview] Interviewer: tell me a little about yourself. Me: I'd rather not. I kinda want this job."
"ME: so what do you do GUY: I'm an oral surgeon ME: *imagining him doing heart surgery with just his mouth* wow I bet you're a helluva kisser"
"It's nice that the french finally grew some balls... ...and shot down a German plane but unfortunately the war ended 70 years ago."