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Joke of the Day

"People who bend down to pick up a thread instead of running over it with the vacuum 37 times, what's it like to exercise?"

"A movie ticket for a baby should cost at least $50."

"If Batman left church early... Would it be a Christian Bale?"

"Knock knock -Who's there? 9/11 -9/11 who? I thought you said you'd never forget."

"Darth Vader: Join me on the Dark Side, Luke! Luke: I'll never join you! Vader: We have flex hours and Pizza Fridays! Luke: NOOOOOO!!!"

"Be very careful if you eat mushrooms in the wild. There's not mushroom for error."

"You catch a giraffe with giraffe bait. You catch an elephant with elephant bait. How do you catch a click? Clickbait"

"All I did from 1984-1990 was try to shoot the laughing dog in Duck Hunt"

"[remodel] Me: can you please keep that awful noise down? Contractor: for the last time, sir, we don't control who's running for president."

"My girlfriend wants to replace the beige outlets in my house with white ones. And then she gets mad when I tell her to stop promoting white power."