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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the guy who could only count using odd numbers? He literally couldn't even."

"I needed to get a shipment of almonds to the airport quickly. It was so weird to call Uber and ask if they could drive me nuts."

"Q: Where did the Martian put his teacup? A: On his flying saucer."

"I read that most accidents happen within a few miles of the house... ...so I moved"

"""Whose line is it anyway?"" -generous cocaine party guests"

"Dear Shirtless Guy in his Profile Pic, You REALLY want to impress girls? Get a job & pose in front of your cubicle."

"What's the difference between menstrual blood and sand? You can't gargle sand."

"TIFU by eating my boss' sandwich and getting fired. Oops. Wrong sub."

"Why is it called a cunt? Because that's the sound it makes when you kick it."

"What is the difference between God and Donald Trump? Donald Trump can make God great again. However, God has no such power!"