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Joke of the Day

"Twitter is an amazing source of useful information, the way a haystack is an amazing source of needles."

"My metaphors are like similes. Rock solid as a mountain."

"my daughter's joke How does the Pope fly to Mass? In his HolyCopter."

"Time is not wasted, when your wasted all the time"" ~Benjamin Franklin (I think.)"

"What kind of movie do mathematicians most often watch? -rated movies"

"How do you turn soup into gold? You add 24 carats!"

"We all know you love your boyfriend, but we'd all appreciate it if you'd SHUT THE FUCK UP"

"[Courtroom] Judge: Have you been up before me? Convict: I don't know, Judge. What time were you up this morning?"

"What kind of investments do musicians make? Sound investments."

"Why did the footballer hold his boot to his ear? Because he liked sole music!"