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Joke of the Day

"Dear Shirtless Guy in his Profile Pic, You REALLY want to impress girls? Get a job & pose in front of your cubicle."

"What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain!"

"dont be sad, girl. u are like a iceberg.. 90% of ur beauty is below the surface. now 95%. now 100% OMG GIRL ARE YOU DROWNIMG"

"What does a fisherman say when he catches a fish? His catch-phrase. Short n' Sweet, hope you like it!"

"ME: The Wizard told me to choose between a good memory and a big dick GIRL : Wow.. Which did you pick? ME: I can't remember."

"Women always had all the power over me on first dates, especially when they had googly eyes on their chest."

"Why was the farmer disappointed when he tried to marry his prized melon? Because the minister wouldn't marry the two, since a melon can't elope!"

"You talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts."

"Me: this is bullshit. conditioner and shampoo in one? impossible Walmart employee who I have in a headlock: sir I didn't make the shampoo"

"what would Netflix even do if i sent them back a DVD of me doing karate they'd have no choice but to add it to their collection i suppose"