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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between God and Donald Trump? Donald Trump can make God great again. However, God has no such power!"

"I've just bought a car that parks itself. Oh really? And where it is? I have no fucking idea."

"Can anyone help me load Angry Birds on my PalmPilot? If so hit me up on my pager..."

"Michaelangelo: Yea, sure, I'll paint your ceiling. *To himself* Errybody gon be naked tho."

"I just auditioned for a home makeover show because I'm too lazy to vacuum."

"My telethon to raise money for starving children in Africa was a huge flop. I didn't know the TV added 10 pounds. Those kids looked fine. :("

"*stares at phone* why cant i sleep *puts phone face-up on bed, the screen brigtness bathes my room in a light mor powerfubl than the sun* oh"

"I'm thankful to live in a time where I can use social media without having to use social skills."

"Men are like chocolate bars. Sweet smooth and they usually head right for your hips."

"Last night I had a nightmare that Ann Coulter died and came back to haunt me... ...she was a coultergeist"