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Joke of the Day

"Husband says to his wife ""you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back!"" She says ""what do you expect? You're in a wheelchair."""

"Monica Lewinsky isn't voting for Hillary. The last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth."

"It's not illegal to tell a ghost story when a cop shines a flashlight in your face"

"Pretty sure Craigslist is just a secret genetics lab and they send out their failed experiments to come pick up the stuff you sell there."

"Why do elephants do well in school ? Because they have a lot of grey matter !"

"What happens when you cross a mountain climber with a mosquito? Nothing, you can't cross a vector with a scaler."

"How do you tell if someone is vegan or not? Don't worry, they'll fucking tell you."

"What's the buoyancy of an abortion? Rho * v * Wade"

"I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, ""Got any shoes you're not using?"""

"met the cutest girl today. her eyes were gentle, like the light from a phone screen and her smile glowed, like the light from a phone screen"