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Joke of the Day

"Me *about to get hit by a bus* OH SHIT I'M NOT THE MAIN CHARACTER"

"Gabe Newell should be the World President He will prevent World War 3."

"How can you tell when Ron Jeremy is finished pumping gas? He pulls out the nozzle and sprays it all over the car!"

"Did you hear the one about Hellen Keller? Well neither did she."

"Roses are red. Your blood is too. You look like a monkey And belong in a zoo. Do not worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, But laughing at you."

"A heavy metal fan walks into a heavy metal bar. He gets a concussion."

"How do you stop a woman giving you head? Marry her."

"What do you call a dog in a sub? A subwoofer! Now again: What do you call a dog in a sub? Chinese food!"

"My Animal Science dissertation ""Are Hippos Just Girl Rhinoceroses?"" met with a healthy dose of scientific skepticism WHICH I WELCOME."

"""Omelet you finish,"" -Kanyegg West"