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Joke of the Day

"I dated a guy who always kneeled and prayed before sex. I still don't know if he was scared of what I'd do or thankful. Either way, amen."

"Did you hear about the Finn who spent a fortune building a storm cellar in case there was an earthquake."

"Beethoven walks into a bar... The bartender tells him, ""we don't serve any E-minors here."" Beethoven says ""what?"""

"What's the difference between Cottage Cheese and Cream Cheese? I didn't cottage in my pants"

"Watching the Olympics. Me: HOLY SHIT THAT WAS AMAZING! GOLD MEDAL! Announcer: Ohhh! Not a good performance, those scores will not be pretty."

"I need a way to keep fit that will make me look like a crazy person so no one will approach me while I do it. -inventor of powerwalking"

"A man asks a trainer in the gym: ""I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?"" Trainer replies: ""Use the ATM"""

"Becoming hard to tell difference between credible news organizations like 4chan and troll sites like New York Post."

"When did the gay atheist become religious and started praying? When the gunman walked into the club he was in and started shooting and the doors were locked."

"How many dead babies do you need to paint a wall? Depends on how hard you throw them"