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Joke of the Day
"Been married six months and I can't even remember the last time I felt lucky on Google."
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"[trailer] Narrator: THIS SUMMER, KEVIN HART Me: oh no Narrator: GUESS WHAT HE'S DOING Me: another cop m- Narrator: ANOTHER COP MOVIE"
"thought about a giraffe accidentally getting it's own long neck in a knot and i jus started cryin"
"What does a mathematics professor do when he is constipated? He works it out with a pencil."
"A fat girl just served me at McDonald's earlier. She said, ""Sorry about the wait""... I said, ""Don't worry hun, you'll lose that eventually."""
"Lottery gives you a 1 in 200M chance of skipping work tomorrow...alcohol is 1 in 5. You play your game...I'll play mine"
"Everyone around me keeps telling me I'm mean. Which is absurd. Plus, they're ugly."
"The Wall Street protesters are right... There is no Jobs."
"I saw a bunch of youths hitting an old lady. I stopped my car, wound down my window and yelled, ""Excuse me, that's my mother-in-law."" ""And what?"" they replied. ""And she's still moving."""
"What is a clowns fart made of? Laughing gas."