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Joke of the Day

"Lottery gives you a 1 in 200M chance of skipping work tomorrow...alcohol is 1 in 5. You play your game...I'll play mine"

"Dirty One Liner Girl: ""Hey, what's up?"" Boy: ""If I tell you, will you sit on it?"""

"I tried my best to prepare my girlfriend for dinner with my folks - Dad loved her, so did my sis, but mum said she could've done with another hour or so on a low heat."

"The Nigerian Government is now offering a $3m reward for the safe return of the missing girls. All you need to do is provide your name, address, date of birth, bank details and mother's maiden name."

"If Obama wins I'm leaving the country. If Romney wins I'm leaving the country. This is not a political Tweet I just want to travel."

"Whats yellow and survives on dead beetles Yoko Ono"

"The bakers A man walks into a bakers, points at something in the display and asks ""Is that a doughnut? or a meringue?"" The baker says ""No you're right it's a doughnut."""

"From what I've seen 3d printers print more than d d d."

"What do you call a serial killer that plays bingo? Jeffery Dauber."

"Did you hear about that new wax museum in Arizona. And... it's gone."