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Joke of the Day

"Just watched an Asian toddler make a fully functional iPhone out of a piece of cheese and some copper."

"THE SHINING (1980): An oblivious pair of incessant chatterboxes are finally taught to respect the sanctity of a writer's space."

"At Starbucks I order under the name Godot. Then leave."

"Q: Why is air a ton like sex? A: Because it's no major ordeal unless you're not getting any."

"How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They just beat the room for being black."

"Get really close to a dog. Look them in the eyes. Hiss ""who do you think you are?"" as you pet them"

"I watched the African version of ""Man v. Food"", but it was just a half-hour of a guy chasing a gazelle."

"Young man cashier: Ma'am, if you don't mind me saying, you have really beautiful eyes. What I heard: Ma'am"

"Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."

"Have you heard the one about the jellyfish? It's a real no-brainer."