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Joke of the Day

"Police: where were you between 5 and 6? Me: Kindergarten"

"I don't like it when my phone puts a word in ""quotals"" like I made it up or I'm stupid or something."

"A COWORKER BROUGHT HER INFANT INTO THE OFFICE LET'S ALL CROWD AROUND AND TERRIFY IT. -women"

"How do you turn regular water into holy water? You boil the hell out of it."

"I mentioned to my friend Hanz that today's the anniversary of the world trade center attacks. ""Nein, 11"" he said."

"I need a car. Hiding in people's trunks and hoping they're going to Wal-Mart isn't working out for me."

"My friend hasn't had a bite all day. So I bit him."

"Why does Kim Jong Un love books Because he's the glorious Reader"

"Why did the man put his car in the oven? Because he wanted a hot rod."

"My girlfriend played the cello and I loved it. But recently she gave up the cello and took up the violin, so I had to break up with her. Because I'm all about that bass, no treble."