2399

Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend played the cello and I loved it. But recently she gave up the cello and took up the violin, so I had to break up with her. Because I'm all about that bass, no treble."

"A naked woman robbed a bank today... When authorities asked about the culprit no one could remember her face"

"I'm no mathlete, but I CAN tell you that a 6 y/o running at 8 mph chasing an ice cream truck moving at 10 mph flies 7.4 ft if you trip him."

"West Coast problems If you meet a vegan, and they do crossfit, which do they talk about first?"

"What do recent college graduates and felons have in common? It takes three to five years before anyone will hire them."

"Maybe r/imgoingtohellforthis quality. 4chan ordered Dorner a delivery pizza for Dorner at the cabin, sadly the pizza was burnt when he received it. /leavesroom"

"How do depressed people lighten' up? They drink bleach."

"I learned mathematical fractions from a drug dealer. He said if I don't pay $4,000 in 7 days, I'll lose 3 fingers."

"Which fish can perform operations ? A Sturgeon !"

"So my great-grandpa died at Auschwitz.... An overused joke fell on top of him and crushed him."