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Joke of the Day
"How do you turn regular water into holy water? You boil the hell out of it."
Next Joke
"Two dogs are standing beside a road... The first one goes, ""woof"", the second says, ""knock it off! That's all you said yesterday."""
"When my toddlers are teenagers I'm going to wake them up in the middle of the night to tell them I'm thirsty"
"A good rule to live by Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things."
"Which is the cheapest bicycle you can buy? A penny-farthing."
"I owe so much to X-men, the movie that taught me it was ok to be a terrifying mutant"
"Sometimes a man's idea of honesty in a relationship is telling you his real name."
"What's black and white with red all over it? A nun with multiple stab wounds."
"ROUGE ONE SPOILERS!!! Screen fades to black at the end and a bunch of names start scrolling up."
"If by ticklish, you mean I'll turn into a rabid chihuahua on bath salts if you come near my underarm, then yes I'm a little ticklish."