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Joke of the Day

"All my scars & bruises tell a story. The story of a guy who falls down A LOT when he's drunk."

"Why was the priest also an imam? Double the prophet."

"""Daddy, are vampires real?"" ""No, sweetie. Go back to bed."" *waits until daughter is asleep* *grabs red Sharpie* *draws 2 dots on her neck*"

"Girls are like math problems. If they are under 18, its best you do them in your head"

"""The mood was somber plus it was a total sausage fest. The unlimited fish & loaves were a nice touch though.""-Yelp review of the Last Supper"

"I'm not racist... Its true! I'm not racist at all! Infact, my best friend was black! Until my Dad sold him."

"Cinderella is my favorite story about women who fight over a man who doesn't even remember what a woman he spent the night with looks like."

"Why did the necromancer fail to meet his quarterly sales goal? He ran his business on a skeleton crew."

"There was a kidnapping at school today... But don't worry, he woke up"

"What's the hardest thing about learning to ride a horse? The ground!"