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Joke of the Day

"Painted my computer black hoping it would run faster... Now it just doesn't work."

"The say the job market isn't good for an English Major... ...but hey, at least you're still higher than a captain."

"Why was the dolphin sad? Because it didn't know it's porpoise in life. Thank you. Thank you."

"Life is basically trying to meet better people than the ones you currently know."

"There's no way witnessing the birth of your child is better than seeing your luggage come out first on the baggage carousel."

"Drop a ring pop in front of him. If he picks it up and hands it back to you... Congratulations! You're engaged."

"Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund? So he could get a long little doggy!"

"I took my wife to see the doctor today hoping to sort out her tourettes problem. It turns out she doesn't have it... I am a bastard and she really does want me to f**k off..."

"I think there should be a mandatory test at 16 that you have to pass and if not, you get neutered or spayed."

"What is the premier dish in Israeli-Japanese cuisine? Jewshi"