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Joke of the Day
"A man comes home... ... To his wife repotting cactuses and succulents ""Allo Vera"""
Next Joke
"Did you hear about the guy that was accused of using his boss's hand soap as lube for masturbating? He came clean."
"What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scotsman? The Rolling Stones sing ""Hey You! Get off of my cloud!"" A Scotsman shouts ""Hey Mcleod!! Get off of my ewe!"""
"Looks like the concierge is hitting on my wife again but who cares, this cherry danish I'm eating right now is on point nom nom nom!"
"Women's deodorant: Spring Breeze, Lilac, Gentle Sunshine. Men's deodorant: Sport, Mountain, Forest Fire, Rage, Fistfight, Childhood Angst."
"Want to hear a joke about pizza? Never mind, it's too cheesy."
"Scary shit happens in horror movies at 3am. So when hubby woke up screaming with a leg cramp at 3am, I threw the bible at him."
"You don't love me? Don't worry, the first step is denial."
"When a woman says she'll be ready in 5 minutes, I know I have just enough time to fly to space & finish building my Death Star before we go."
"My boyfriend and I are into role playing-I pretend to be hotter and skinnier and he pretends not to be a Nigerian teen in an Internet cafe ."