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Joke of the Day

"OK, Gravity wasn't very realistic. First of all, and I checked this, Sandra Bullock -- not an astronaut"

"Where does the bride of Frankenstein have her hair done? At the ugly parlour."

"Hey, companies. No one has their confirmation number. You're the company, you do the work."

"Yes, Banner Ads, we want to check our Credit Scores. Almost as much as we want to pick people up at the airport and see our parents fucking."

"Doctor Doctor I keep seeing double. Please sit on the couch. Which one!"

"Mafia Boss: You wearin' a wire? Me: ""Wire"" you asking me that? lol get it [the rest of this tweet takes place on the bottom of a river]"

"Sometimes I wake up grumpy in the morning... And some times I just let her sleep in."

"What does a German woman dial when a man won't take no for an answer Nein! Nein! Nein!"

"Why did Hitler kill himself... ... Because he was being charged for the gas bill"

"Girl told me she had a dream that I made love to her I mean, technically, she didn't say ""dream,"" she said ""nightmare,"" but close enough."