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Joke of the Day
"Roses are red... violets are red, tulips are red, daisies are red. Doppler shift!"
Next Joke
"My girlfriend might be a bit clingy, but she sure is going places... Like home. Go home."
"*running from cops* Me: hey wait hold up if we're gonna do this i really should be wearing my fitbit Cop: yeah me too good idea"
"I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any."
"What is the fastest way to exit a car on the highway? Through the windshield"
"TIFU by buying a PT Cruiser"
"[grocery shopping] ""Actually it should be 15 items or FEWER"" I'll fix that sir [grabs mic] CUSTOMER NEEDS HELP FINDING EXTRA SMALL CONDOMS"
"Halo? more like..... GAYLO!!!!!!!"
"What does a vegetarian hunter say before dinner? ""Lettuce prey"""
"Did you hear about Disney's new Tick Tock Crock ride? It's killer."