89638

Joke of the Day

"If anyone ever tells you they've lost their voice They're lying."

"In high school, people called me ""Superman"" due to my light eyes and physical build. Also because I wore my underwear on top of my pants."

"Just went for a piss while still wearing my microphone and the whole conference heard me call the urinal a ""thirsty boy"""

"In retrospect, dressing as a killer whale when I was assigned to assassinate the Pope wasn't my best idea. I blame Ubisoft, honestly."

"Whats the worst part about sex with children? Cleaning the blood out of the clown costume when you are finished."

"I'm selling a WWII relic.... A beautiful French rifle. It's never been fired and only dropped once."

"A guide to procrastination... I'll tell you later..."

"OH in the bathroom: ""Thank God I have another pair of panties in my bag, I shit all over these"". What. The. Fuck."

"The 9th rule of fight club is no roller skates. honestly guys I don't know why we keep having to say this."

"So, I Robbed a Bank Last Week Disguised as a Muppet, It was the First Time I Kermit-ted a Crime"