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Joke of the Day

"Where do cows like to ride on trains? In the cow-boose."

"Before you criticise someone... Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticise them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes."

"The man who invented Twister died this week. Fitting him into the coffin took 27 spins."

"Q: How can you tell if a violin is out of tune? A: The bow is moving."

"I'm not saying we should kill all the stupid people in the world, I'm just saying we should remove the warning labels from everything and let the problem take care of itself."

"The best thing about the Earth is if you poke holes in it oil and gas come out."

"Yo mama so fat. . . I swerved my car to avoid hitting her and ran out of gas. Edit: TIL Reddit has very strong feelings about my mother."

"My Gf asked me How many times I jerked off I told her I only tried it a handful of times"

"I'm seriously considering taking up falconry. Someone pisses me off? BAM! Falcon, right in the face."

"My friend told me he was going to a fancy dress party as an Italian island. I said to him 'Don't be Sicily"