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Joke of the Day

"I'm seriously considering taking up falconry. Someone pisses me off? BAM! Falcon, right in the face."

"When I'm feeling bold in the kitchen, sometimes I'll change up a recipe by forgetting to put in a key ingredient"

"just got my deaf friend drunk and he's slurring fingers so bad right now"

"What did the pencil say to the sharpener? Stop going in circles and get to the point."

"My wife went to the East Indies for her holidays. Jakarta? No, she went by plane."

"Fred: I thought there was a choice for lunch today. . Cook: There is. Fred: No there isn't. There's only cheese pie. Cook: You can choose to eat it or leave it."

"A blind man walks into a bar... ...and a chair...and a table."

"I want to China town today I saw a lot of wangs."

"Why can't you barbecue in Amsterdam? Because the steaks are too high."

"Cream? Sugar? Fuck you, I want 2 cubes of chicken bullion in my coffee. I've got man's work to do."