220116

Joke of the Day

"What did the egg say to the boiling water? ""It might take awhile for me to get hard, I got laid this morning"""

"Modern music is like taking a poop you like it at first, but then you realize its all shit in the end"

"It's weird how many of my ancestors were sepia-toned."

"Women know that men are like linoleum . . . If they lay 'em right the first time, they can walk on them for years."

"Everyone's a contrarian these days... Well, except for me of course."

"I gave a homeless guy some cheese today. I feel gouda 'bout it."

"People already feel judged in public but what if they also had the same awful feeling in private? GUY WHO INVENTED RELIGION: I have an idea"

"I don't want to die doing something I love. I want to die doing something I hate. That way I don't have to finish it."

"The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don't have to mow it."

"I was close to becoming a rap god. But then 1 day my mom licked her thumb to wipe a smudge off my face as a kid & ruined all my street cred."