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Joke of the Day

"*sees a couple of vacuum cleaners making out* ""Ugh, get a Roomba"""

"My girlfriend said she'll leave me if I don't stop talking about Star Wars. I said ""Please don't leave me, Yoda one for me."" In other news, I'm single."

"If you are Russian on your way to the bathroom and Russian when you get out, what are you in the bathroom? Puttin."

"What's the difference between a pizza and a pizza joke? You can't top a good pizza joke."

"What does a parent say to their boy who keeps missing the toilet? Urine trouble."

"Getting pulled over Officer (*Walks over*) Officer -I'm going to ask you to step out of the car for a sobriety test. Me (*Presses tits together*) Me -How about now? Officer -Sir, get out of the car."

"I was cooking a dish with onions in it and my friend cried. I only now realized recently that she wasn't raising that dog for food."

"Your LinkedIn says you have a job but your snapchat says otherwise."

"What do corn and staples have in common? They're both staples."

"My dad did the running man once.. I haven't seen him since. (Unoriginal)"