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Joke of the Day

"Once again, overheard my 13yo tell someone that I was born in the 1900s. Now I want to hide under the covers and stab all her teddy bears."

"Just saw a fully functional phone booth with an intact yellow pages; so, yeah, I know a thing or two about time travel."

"My Ex Wife Still Misses me, BUT HER AIM IS GETTING BETTER, HER AIM IS GETTING BETTER! You see, it's funny cause marriage is terrible. Edit: Joaige"

"Yesterday I went to a temporary tattoo parlour to get a tattoo. After it wouldn't wash off this morning I went back to complain, but the tattoo parlour wasn't there."

"Trump protester: it's impossible to round up 11 million people and ship them somewhere. Trump supporter: why are you denying the Holocaust"

"I have two tickets to the Euro's final.. problem is it's on the same day as my wedding... So if anyones interested it's at St.Peters church in Brighton and her name is Sarah."

"Why do airplanes manufactured in Spain have windshield wipers on the inside? Because the rain in Spain falls mostly in the plain."

"Women can't seem to resist my charms. What? They're magically delicious."

"Yes, of course I love French films. Have you seen Rugrats in Paris?"

"Q: How do you make a woman angry and sick at the same time? Cholera, bitch."