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Joke of the Day

"Hey cat, how's about I lick myself for hours then puke where you sleep? Don't answer that. Why do I even talk to you. Stop looking at me."

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"What's the difference between Adolf Hitler and Kurt Cobain? Hitler had a reason to kill himself."
"Why did the operation Barbarossa fail? The supreme commander didn't have the balls required."
"Bob Marley in Saudi Arabia I Shot The Sharif"
"[Trying to impress a girl on a date] Me: ""Not to brag but I'm getting Windows 10 for free."""
"Noting that it's Friday AND my Cake Day so if you could.... go ahead and come in on Saturday that'd be great....mmmkay thannnks"
"What is a clowns fart made of? Laughing gas."
"Did you hear about the factory run by a hangman? All work has been suspended."
"Why did the Mexican lorry driver lose his job? He ate his tacho."
"What did the fish say when it ran into the wall? DAM! (airplane stewardess told me and had me on ground laughing)"