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Joke of the Day

"Me: coming to the office Xmas party? Steve: no [whispers] Lisa just lost her father Me: there'll be like 50 of us there. We'll help you look"

"What does bill Clinton say to Hilary after sex? Honey, I'll be home in twenty minutes"

"Don't judge men by their wealth or appearance, judge them by their characters. All 140 of them."

"Two fish in a tank. [x-post from r/Jokes] One asks: How do you drive this thing?"

"Just burnt my Hawaiian pizza... Guess I should've put it on aloha temperature."

"What's Pingu's favourite band? Slipnoot."

"While shopping, look for this marker on where the gluten free aisle is at. You'll see a man with a gun to his mouth. Because, you know, bullets are gluten free."

"Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection except for one. He's never gonna give you Up."

"What did Shakespeare name his pet pig? Hamlet."

"No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a sword"