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Joke of the Day

"A CW told me for the 50th time that her baby learned how to walk so I told her""if you really wanna impress me lmk when it learns how to fly"""

"What does CPA stand for? Can't Produce Anything"

"Why do people eat carrots to help their eyesight? They should be eating oranges because they have vitamin C. haha"

"I nearly got fired from my job as a roofer on the first day when I was caught masturbating. But my boss said I could wipe the slate clean."

"What do Buddhist monks have for breakfast? 'Ommm' lettes!"

"Wasn't wearing my glasses at the park and bent down to pet some guy's gym bag. How's your night going?!"

"What kind of bees make milk? Boobies!"

"I miss my ex But my aim keels improving... One day"

"Ghost me would do the same stuff as alive me. Howl. Wander. Stand in front of the fridge and stare at all the food I'm not allowed to eat."

"If someone calls me a sir one more time I will literally wear a top hat and a monocle and roll my eyes so hard you will not survive."