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Joke of the Day

"Ghost me would do the same stuff as alive me. Howl. Wander. Stand in front of the fridge and stare at all the food I'm not allowed to eat."

"I never proof read anything myself Instead, I just sandwich my writings with hateful opinions, post them to Reddit, and read the replies. People seem more than eager to point out my mistakes."

"What's the difference between a Greyhound station & a Crab with boobs? One's a crusty bus station... The other's a busty crustacean."

"I once ate a watch. It was time consuming, I didn't go back for seconds."

"Did you hear Ant Man will be in Captain America 3? I hear it will be a small role"

"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

"If Miley doesn't get her shit together, all these Hannah Montana collectibles are never gonna get my kids through college"

"""If you could take one thing from a burning house, what would it be?"" THE FIRE. I WOULD TAKE THE FIRE AND PUT IT OUTSIDE. Easy. Next."

"Boyfriend and Girlfriend are at a baseball game the boyfriend leans over the girlfriend and says, ""I'll kiss you on the strikes, if you kiss me on the balls"""

"HEY GUYS I'M AT NXNE! WHERE THE HELL IS EVERYBODY?"