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Joke of the Day

"People come up to me all the time in the street and they say to me, they say, ""Joe, what's the difference between Hag Shavuot and Hag Ha-Katzir?"" And I say to them, I say, ""Oh, about fifty bucks."""

Next Joke
 
"A man's Wife says that she wants something that goes from 0-180 in under 10 seconds.. The man leaves for a moment and then returns with the scale from their bathroom."
"""When you fall in love it burns and you die, right?"" Yes, son. Love is terrible. ""No Mom, I said LAVA."" Oh. You maybe can survive that one."
"The first mate on a pirate ship sees the captain with a wheel in his pants... The first mate asks why the helm is there and the captain replies, ""Yar, it's drivin' me nuts."""
"Now..a cheaper way to express your love...-E-cards !"
"Jeb bush uses a dangerous method to make a lasting change. jeb!"
"Movies led me to believe there would be a whole lot more unlocked cars just sitting around with the keys tucked away in the overhead visor."
"John went to the doctor saying that he cannot stop thinking and hear about skittles he was going crazy and paranoid. The doctor diagnosed him with Skittlophrenia."
"It's weird how after they couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together the King's men were like ""Let's give the horses a shot at it"""
"What do you call a group of pillaging Huns? An army of Hun-dread."