50019

Joke of the Day

"What do ghosts watch if they want to relax? Skelly-vision!"

"The waitress asked if I was done with that, I said yes but I'm married to it."

"I decided to write down all the pieces of classical music I want to play before I die... ...it's my bucket Liszt."

"I sleep with my clothes on and one eye open. Not because I'm scared, but my zipper is broken and I've had too much botox on one side."

"A microwave with three only buttons. 1. Hot Pocket 2. Pizza Rolls 3. 4 Hot Pockets and 60 Pizza Rolls"

"TIL that Paradise, Nevada was completely paved over at one point. To put up a parking lot"

"What time is it when you have to go to the dentist ? Tooth Hurty !"

"Two seats open. One next to a good looking girl who noticed me as I walked in. The other by a wall outlet. She'll find love in another man."

"BEANS & ONIONS Q: What do you get when you mix beans and onions? A: Tear gas."

"Like a midget at a urinal.... I'm going to have to stay on my toes. Credit: Naked Gun"