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Joke of the Day

"A microwave with three only buttons. 1. Hot Pocket 2. Pizza Rolls 3. 4 Hot Pockets and 60 Pizza Rolls"

"mars: I'm wet.... NASA: I'm coming over!"

"The difference between Christian wives and Jewish wives? Christian wives have fake jewelry and real orgasms."

"And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then made the earth round... and laughed..."

"KIDNAPPER: Get in the trunk ME: You're abducting me 4 days before Christmas? K: Heh yep ME: Omg thank you K: What ME: I'm all yours K: Wait"

"Every time you say you're humble, I want to buy you a dictionary."

"[at wedding] Is there any reason why these two shouldn't be wed? * me yelling * SHE THINKS WOLVERINE COULD BEAT PREDATOR *pianist vomits*"

"Did you hear about Instagram, the weed delivery service? nm was thinking of Instantgram"

"Did you guys hear about the Trump winery? It's only whites."

"There aren't many sports that couldn't be improved by adding a bear."