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Joke of the Day

"Who reads the news AND makes coffee? Katie Keurig. (I know the setup might need some work but I just like the punchline I made up.)"

"Weather channel: It's going to get up into the mid-30's this afternoon but it'll still feel like it's in the teens. Me: Literally me."

"Short joke What do you call a short person that knows Martial Arts? Midjitsu!"

"How do you feel when there is no coffee? Depresso"

"A GoFundMe, so I can buy an avocado."

"Apple and Google are both working on self driving cars. Personally I don't think I want to ride in a car without Windows."

"*wife phones* ""Hi!"" ""Hi! Did you clean the house?"" ""Uhh...YUP!"" ""OK, I'm coming home. Need anything?"" ""Yes, about 2 hours."""

"How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced A buccaneer"

"I know this is only our second date, but can I use your bathroom real quick? Her: Of course... *walks out 26 minutes later* Thanks."

"One-Liner: Jobs growth in the United States is now down to just hair and fingernails."