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Joke of the Day

"I'm happiest when people tell me ""Don't be a hero"" because there's absolutely no way I'm going to disappoint them."

"Being a DJ is tough because sometimes iTunes won't open."

"My girlfriend said period jokes aren't funny... So I ended up throwing away 3 pages of jokes i had written about the Victorian era."

"I really like being a trophy husband. I just wish I wasn't a participation trophy."

"What's the hardest part when your ex tells you she is HIV positive Trying to act surprised."

"Today I found out what it feels like to be discriminated against. I was unfairly labeled a scrub JUST because I was hanging out the passenger side of my best friend's ride."

"I don't like damp things For the moist part"

"Working on a screen play that involves zombies invading a prom. I'm calling it ""Prom Nom Nom"""

"I often fantasize about lying naked in bed, surrounded by various bags of chips and I have octopus arms so I can eat all the chips at once."

"Lawyer: ""What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?"" Defendent: ""Gucci Sweats and Sum Jordan's"""