49839

Joke of the Day

"Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said."

Next Joke
 
"I'm so drunk I can speak fluent Ozzy Osbourne."
"I will die on a white floor just to mess with the chalk outline guy."
"I was curious just how big this Trump dick is, after hearing all the news from last nights debate, so I googled it. From the pictures I would say he's about six feet, maybe a little taller."
"Turns out telling a friend ""you're giving off a weird vibe tonight"" is not the most direct way to tell them they're on fire"
"Suddenly had the urge to lay on the floor and do stomach crunches. Then I found some bubble wrap and that urge went away."
"What do you call a naughty football joke? An offensive line"
"How do you crack a joke on r/Jokes? ctrl+v."
"We were driving past the graveyard and my dad asks: ""Do you know why I can't be buried there?"" ""Why not?"" ""Because I'm not dead yet, Son."""
"I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. But he says he can stop anytime."