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Joke of the Day

"I will die on a white floor just to mess with the chalk outline guy."

"I hope Jeremy Corben is successful in his new chosen career! I didn't really rate him as a comedian, he was especially bad in The Wrong Man's."

"The Pillsbury Doughboy just passed away. His funeral service will take place at 3:50 and it will take 15-18 minutes."

"If I were a woman, I'd probably say things like ""gotta go polish the petunia"" and then back my car into a mailbox."

"just missed a turn because I was trying to tweet ""dong cheadle"" while driving"

"What do you call a mouthwash for tiny scientists? Microscope"

"You think you can take me, tough guy? I'd like to see you try. Seriously, anywhere fun you might be going. Take me with."

"Plays tetris. Gets a circle."

"What did 50 cent's grandma say to him when he gave her a hand woven scarf for mother's day? G u knit?"

"A man walks into a bar So a man walked into the bar carrying a roll of Tarmac. He orders one pint and one for the road."