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Joke of the Day

"My daughter has gotten to the age where she asks me embarrassing questions about sex... Just this morning she asked me ""Is that the best you can do?"""

"Tell me your best one-liner. I'll start. Scientists have discovered that diarrhea runs in the genes."

"Just donated my body to science. I'm your problem now, science. And I could use some pizza and beer."

"What fruit can't get married? Cantaloupe"

"What do you tell a woman who has two black eyes? Nothing. She's already been told twice."

"My wife said she wanted to be treated like a princess So I put her into the back of a Mercedes and drove her into a wall."

"How are having sex in a canoe and American beer alike? They're both fuckin' close to water"

"Jimmy Savile wasn't all bad; He had a profound and lasting impact on music... Backstage at Top of the Pops, it was him who introduced Cream to Small Faces"

"Why does Hillary have sex with Bill first thing in the morning? Because she wants to be the First Lady."

"This beautiful woman is winking at me right now. Now she's using the other eye. Oh never mind. She's falling asleep."