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Joke of the Day

"I'm glad the Dentist calls me the day before to remind me to cancel my appointment."

"I'm never tired. They call me Ironman"

"""Playing hard to get huh?"" I say as I flip through your wedding photos on facebook."

"Stop letting your dogs piss on fire hydrants. Some of us use those for parkour."

"Why was everyone mad after the annual animal race? Because the winner was a cheetah"

"When I was a kid I asked my Dad if Abraham Lincoln was jewish. ""Well,"" he said, ""he was shot in his temple."""

"I'm giving up drinking. ... Hard liquor. ... On Wednesdays."

"What do you call a bee from the wrong side of town? A bumblegee"

"I wish I could erase my memory of certain movies so I could watch them again for the first time."

"I'm still not convinced Mitt Romney was born."