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Joke of the Day

"""Playing hard to get huh?"" I say as I flip through your wedding photos on facebook."

"Gardeners Interesting fact: Gardeners get to stay in their beds all day."

"What do Apple and Titanic have in common? They both killed Jack."

"Note from angry neighbor (above) and appropriate Army vet response (below)"

"Did you hear they finally published that book about clocks? It's about time."

"All I'm saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old?"

"What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? See you next month"

"Fatherhood Tip : If there's puke in your coat pocket and poop on your shoulder, you're holding the baby upside down."

"Did you guys hear about the new porno about the Gorilla? It's called Harambe's Out for Dicks"

"I forget what I used to do with my arms before I got my iPhone. Did I hang them down by my side? Straight above my head? I really forget."