49649

Joke of the Day

"How do you know when Santa Claus is nearby ? You can feel his presents ..."

"Why does Pope Francis call his dick Santa? Because he comes to the good kids only."

"I just wish God hadn't hidden all of my talents so well."

"Whenever I tell her that I want to put my Butterfinger into her MilkyWay, she Snickers."

"""Ok, imagine a fleshlight, but full of food."" - Hot Pocket sales pitch"

"""If you approach a bear in the woods, lie down and play dead"" - brilliant rumor started by lazy bears"

"25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. Which is really scary because that means that 75% are running around untreated."

"I'm starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all ..."

"Shhh don't talk, I'm imagining you smart."

"What's the expiry date on plastic? [81](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/UYwYdFdoecA/0.jpg)"