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Joke of the Day
"""Ok, imagine a fleshlight, but full of food."" - Hot Pocket sales pitch"
Next Joke
"What happens when Bill Gates gets mad? He gets philanthro-pissed"
"What happens when you flip an 8 to it's side? Everything, given enough time"
"What's the difference between Ireland and America? When we say waterboarding in Ireland it means surfing."
"A lady walks into a bar... Sits down and says to the bartender ""give me a double."" He asks ""what'll it be?"" She replies ""make it an entedre."" So he gave it to her."
"My friend owns a bakery Last week it burnt down Now his business is TOAST"
"I just used one of those plastic grocery dividers to let my wife know exactly where the middle of the bed is."
"Looking for some tasteless Gabrielle Giffords jokes"
"I was walking though a forest With a young girl the other night and she said ""I'm scared"" I said ""Your scared, I've gotta walk back on my own"""
"[sitting at a table] Wife: writes number on paper and slides it across. Me: crosses out and writes new number *thermostat negotiations*"