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Joke of the Day
"Why aren't there more women in STEM? Because they're stupid and illiterate."
Next Joke
"me: siri tell me a joke siri: *turns on front facing camera*"
"I love the way everyone who uses hand sanitizer looks like they're hatching some kind of evil plan."
"*pulls away from kissing -What does CVS stand for?"
"I just did my own taxes for the first time and I'm glad I did because I'm getting 8 million dollars back this year!"
"What do you call a bouncer at a gay bar? A flamethrower"
"The only time that I get sucked in bed is when there's a mosquito in the room."
"Breastfeeding in public is a great way to get hit on. Especially if you forget to bring your baby."
"How can you tell if your wife is dead? If the sex stays the same but the dishes pile up."
"Doc: Your insurance won't cover it all. Me: What if I sewed myself shut? Doc: Suture self."