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Joke of the Day
"why did no one listen to the wheelchair joke? It had no back story."
Next Joke
"The hardest part of having sex again after you have recently been widowed is.... Gettin there before the rigor mortis sets in."
"A lady asked me where my adopted son came from and I said if she doesn't know by now where babies come from it's not my place to tell her"
"Sometimes relationships don't work out because of timing, but most of the time it's because someone is an asshole."
"I saw your mother kicking a can down the street with one shoe. I asked her if she'd lost a shoe. ""Naw, found one"""
"What do you get when you cross-breed a shark and a cow? I have no idea but I wouldn't try milking it."
"Potato potato tomato tomato It works better when spoken..."
"I've wanted to have a conversation with my wife about getting each of us Segways to ride around town in... But whenever I bring it up she always changes the topic."
"I'm a 40 yr old man sitting at a Cafe with my eyes closed, squirting packets of mayo from under the table at the window as people walk by."
"[Christmas] 6:30kids are excited 7:30kids are playing 8:00kids are fighting 9:00kids are crying 9:15wife is yelling 9:30I am drinking"