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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you cross-breed a shark and a cow? I have no idea but I wouldn't try milking it."

"How did Sigmund Freud die? He slipped"

"I'm a hard core Trekkie except instead of Star Trek, alcohol."

"I call my girlfriend Dumbledore. She's a head master."

"Q: What do you call a truckload of vibrators? A: Toys for Twats."

"My friend loved to collect tractors but stopped after he had a bad accident in one. These days he helps the fire service by removing all the smoke from burning buildings... ...he is an ex-tractor fan."

"The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet."

"[1 of 4 car accidents caused by texting & driving] PEOPLE: won't be me [1 in 292 million chance of winning powerball] PEOPLE: you never know"

"I wouldn't say I hate my dad... But I can't deny he's a real motherfucker."

"Yo momma... Yo momma so stupid she wanted to buy tickets to watch xbox live."